Yes, this is a re-post from last year. However, it is still how I feel. We have another new baby in our family, another life that will never know my dad. Mourning the loss of Michael’s dad this week has only helped to remind me how precious life is. How important it is that our loved ones know how much we love them. The little things really do matter-both doing them & not doing them.
I love you dad.
This is me with my dad, Nick (as we affectionately called him).

He was my dad, my hero, my biggest fan. When he was himself, he was so fun.
Here he is with Rosie, my mom.

He loved to sit out on his patio & when I was visiting, he would let my little Yodi hang out there with him.

I mean, check out how much Luke looks like him. It’s crazy!! Even Michael thought I had doctored a picture of Luke when we saw this picture of Nick. The ears crack me up!

You may be asking what this has to do with 9/11. Bear with me, this is a long post.
9/11 means something to every single one of us. All day,I’ve been reading and hearing about people’s recounting of that day-where they were, what they were doing, what they were feeling. Up to this time of the night 7 (8 now) years ago, I was tracking with everyone. I was glued to the news, scared, upset, hurting for those families, thankful that all of my family was safe & knew I loved them. However, after multiple tries, it was just starting to concern me that I still hadn’t been able to get either of my parents on the phone. My dad HATED the phone, but between my sister and I, we were calling every 5 minutes-he could have answered one of us. Sheesh! By the time, I went to bed that night, I was concerned, but figured my dad was asleep and mom had gone out with the rest of the teachers to discuss all the parents they had just met at the orientation they had that night. Rosie & Nick were going to hear about this one!!! Turns out, the call I received about 12:30am explained why my dad didn’t pick up.
8 years ago, terrorists ended almost 3,000 people’s lives. They turned families upside down, they destroyed hopes & dreams, daughters wouldn’t be walked down aisles, sons wouldn’t have moms to dance with, grandkids wouldn’t know their grandparents, golden years would not be. They changed this country, NO one would ever be the same. To the people who lost loved ones on that day to the terrorist attacks, I am so sorry. I can’t imagine your pain.
8 years ago, hopelessness & despair ended my dad’s life. He just couldn’t take his own pain anymore & 9/11 or not, he had to end this thing we call life. The pain turned our family upside down, it destroyed hopes & dreams, my brother walked me down the aisle, 5 grandkids (& counting) wouldn’t know their granddad like their parents knew theirs, Rosie is by herself 4 hours from her family. Our family was changed that day, we will never be the same.
Our story is similar to so many, I’m sure. Maybe not the actual event, but life and death happened on 9/11 just like every other day. Babies were born and people died independent of the terrorist attacks on our country. Because of lousy timing, this day just has an added amount of significance for us. Yes, we hurt for the people DIRECTLY affected, but 9/11 will always mean something more for so many families.
All this to say, I miss my dad. Every day of the year, I feel the hole of him being gone. Some days are worse than others, some years are better than others, but I know that is the way it is. God has done AMAZING things through Nick’s death and I have seen first hand how He can make good out of really, really bad. I have chosen to allow one of my greatest pains to be one of my greatest ministries and it has been. I will not let the stigma of suicide win. My dad’s life was worth more than to be whispered about or not acknowledged.
My dad would have LOVED Michael-he watches fishing & nature shows just like Nick did. Michael calls me into “look at that” just like my dad did. He would have loved all the fun projects around our house that he could have done. He would have loved to watch ALL the soccer that is on TV now and would be calling me EVERY 5 minutes to ask if I had “seen that pass.” He would have loved to hear Luke say, “Oh Man!” He would have LOVED to see who his grandkids are becoming & how beautiful all of them are. He would have loved to know his daughter has a fun new car that she is so proud of that she doesn’t even mind Shane’s way home. He would have loved to play golf on his son’s course in the Bahamas and then go fishing. He would have loved that I can cook really yummy things, but especially brownies. He would have loved to see how Franklin, TN is growing and tell Rosie how “all the guys at work” were talking about it. He would have loved that now he could actually sit at the breakfast bar and do his crossword puzzle.
Nick, you were an amazing dad and I am so grateful I got to be your daughter. I hate that you lost your battle, but I am going to continue the fight. Fight for people to see hope, love, and experience the life God has for them. As I told you on the voicemail you never heard, I love you so much.