Soooo, I’m doing a little light reading in Beth Moore’s new book, So Long Insecurity and let’s just say it is rocking my world. I mean, it is incredible. It’s mainly about overcoming insecurity and taking back the dignity we as women have lost because of the insecurity. I have always struggled with insecurity-mainly based in a fear of rejection. This has shown itself in lots of different ways, some good, some bad, and some really bad. I have always had a big personality-typically the loudest, most boisterous, biggest know it all, crudest, competitive, hard working and all of these things heightened if I picked up that I could get a bit more attention from any one of them. See, aren’t they pretty? 🙂
I’m processing my way through this book and realizing just how ingrained in me being insecure is and just how much I don’t know what I’ll look like on the other side of this process. The fact that my Heavenly Father who knows me down to my laminin is the author of this renewal and transformation only makes me more hopeful and excited to see the other side, to experience the true freedom and courage that comes with taking back what these years of pride and fear and insecurity have stolen from me.
I read this the other night and I am still chewing on it, ” Neither God nor you have anything to gain from your persistent insecurity.” Wow, I have nothing to gain from continuing this way? Not attention, not affection, not friendships, not love, not admiration, not respect, not influence, not power, not affirmation, not time, not freedom, not grace-NOTHING. Well, if that’s the case-break me, wrench this out of my soul until there is nothing but the gaping holes of its’ torn up root system. The holes that only Jesus can fill, the holes that once filled will be more than enough to satisfy me. That I can walk boldly and courageously in who God made me to be, not wasting my time here on this side of eternity floundering in my insecure, ineffective, non God glorifying comfort zone.
I’ll continue processing and digging, even though it’s really hard and I feel a bit raw right now. That’s ok, for now, I’m clinging to this prayer: